Unfortunately, kids don’t really think that far ahead.  Kids sometimes try to be funny, popular or cool by posting something inappropriate online. They have no idea that what they are posting can be interpreted differently by different people. This includes:

• Posting sexy or naked pictures or content to their social media profiles or in chat rooms
• Using profanity, slurs, radical political opinions or religious beliefs
• Posting photos of themselves engaging in illegal or risky behavior
• Answering question games/apps where questions can get sexual and kids feel pressured to respond

The result is called Online Baggage or Self-Inflicted Reputation Damage. Kids don’t understand that everything they post is public to someone (if even just their friend list), and can be copied and shared with people who were never intended to see it.

Even worse, they don’t think there is anything wrong with what they’re doing. And they don’t understand the long term consequences.

If you are a parent, here’s what we recommend…

First, monitor what your kids are doing online.

Second, sit down with your child. Explain to them the importance of their online reputation and how it really is the same as their real world reputation. Show them examples of appropriate and inappropriate online behavior, so it’s clear. Go through their newsfeed with them and show examples of both.

Third, set your expectations clearly and with associated consequences. The internet is not forgiving. The internet is forever. If they do not portray themselves appropriately online, it will follow them to their first job or college hunt.

Bottomline…monitor, monitor, monitor.  Then monitor some more.

The ballgame has changed completely in these two short years. Computers seem to be a lot less of a concern today as many kids use their smart phones and other mobile devices for ALL of their internet needs – Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, games such as Words with Friends and so many more. It’s hard to keep up!

Laptops, smart phones, and tablets have allowed us to overlook the cardinal rule of kids on the internet – keep the devices in a common area where parents can monitor websites and time allocated to internet activity. Mobile devices have made it even more difficult for parents to monitor and manage internet usage.

We have been asked by parents to provide tips for helping them manage cell phones in their families and how to set parameters around their use.

1. Before you give the phone, have a plan.
This is perhaps the most important lesson in our tip list. Parents must state rules and expectations, prior to giving their children a phone. Creating rules along the way does not work very well. Be clear about your expectations as well as the consequences for breaking the rules.

2. Set a Schedule
Unregulated, unmonitored cellphone use can create a lot of problems for kids including overuse, inability to focus on anything outside of phone, and so many other issues. Create a schedule for phone use and post in a spot for all to see. Your schedule might include:

• Hours allowed per day
• Specific times of day (could include after school, a specified time at night when homework is done, etc.)
• Phone goes to school, or not
• Phone goes in predetermined “cell phone” box or basket at bed time (not in their bedroom)
• Phone goes in predetermined “cell phone” box or basket during dinner or other meals
• No phone use during family functions

3. Keep The Phones Where You Can See Them.
Like we told parents about computers, consider keeping mobile devices in a common area. If they’re under your supervision, kids are less likely to explore dangerous sites or get into trouble online.

4. Phones Should Not Go To School
School is for learning. Phones (and their endless technologies) are distracting. Many schools have different rules for cell phone use – some allow it and some don’t. When kids have cell phones at school, they can constantly communicate, which distracts them from school work. You will likely want to practice the same routine with homework.

If you must send a phone to school, consider using the settings of your phone or working with your cellphone provider, set the phone to turn on/off or only be able to call certain numbers during the school day.

5. Monitor the Activity
Using monitoring software or manually check the phone to ensure they are using it appropriately. Since there is more freedom with mobile phones, it’s easier to go off the rails, intentionally or not.

6. Discuss. Discuss. Discuss.
Parents need to have a good sense about what’s going on in their kids’ online worlds. Since social networking and texting has become a daily routine for kids, it needs to be part of the daily conversation. Continually ask your kid’s about their online activity — what games are they playing, who are they talking to, etc. If you keep an open dialogue with them, they’re more likely to come to you if they experience a problem online.

7. Manners For Texting, Emailing Or Chatting Online
As you do in other aspects of your child’s life, discuss your expectations for manners and appropriate behavior in their digital world. Coach them to be respectful and to think carefully before they put their thoughts into written words. Remember, typed communications are not the same as verbal communications. Digital conversations can easily be forwarded along to others and can last forever.

8. Swift and Memorable Consequences
If they violate any of your rules, enforce the necessary consequences. Kids will soon think their phone is a right and a need (like air and water), and not a privilege. Remind them that we all survived without a cell phone and they can too if your expectations of safe and appropriate use are not followed.

According to Cable in the Classroom, Digital Citizenship “is a holistic and positive approach to helping children learn how to be safe and secure, as well as smart and effective participants in a digital world. That means helping them understand their rights and responsibilities recognize the benefits and risks, and realize the personal and ethical implications of their actions.”

As I research the topic, I learned that it can include online security and relationships, balancing screen time, protecting personal information, minding one’s reputation and ethics, and more.

I’d like to take this time to highlight reputations and ethical use. As a licensed counselor, I see many clients who have had rough times as they pertain to the internet.
I have had clients who came to me because:

• They represented themselves in a way online that they aren’t proud of and can’t take back
• The said things about others online that they can’t take back and lost friends
• They shared something that they knowingly knew would hurt another person

But as opposed to highlighting the negatives, I’d like this word “digital citizenship” to take a forefront in conversations. To me, it highlights the way we strive to act online as we use technology and engage others. We want to have a good online reputation. No one wants to be a point of discussion for their inappropriate behavior on the internet.

There are ways you and your children can work on your “digital citizenship.” Always be conscious of how you’re presenting yourself online. Your social media accounts are an extension of yourself — take responsibility for your actions.

• Represent yourself in an accurate, yet appropriate way. This includes, pictures, statuses or comments.
• Watch your words: don’t say anything you’d be embarrassed if a grandparent or future employer saw.
• If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it. Never join in if you see someone being cyber bullied.

If you’re not sure your child is portraying themselves appropriately online, consider monitoring their social media accounts. TrueCare can alert you if your child is talking about illegal or explicit activities. Stress to your kids that their online behavior can follow them for the rest of their lives. Stress the importance of “digital citizenship,” and set a good example for them to follow!

This blog post was written by Mary Jo Rapini, an advisor for TrueCare. Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist and contributing expert for Cosmopolitan Magazine, Women’s Health, First, The New York Daily News, Seventeen Magazine, and Redbook. Additionally she is a  “City Bright” blogger for the Houston Chronicle, and is a contributing columnist for HealthNewsDigest.com and Houston Family Magazine.

When: First Tuesday of Every Month
Time: 12:00 – 12:30 pm CT
Where: On Twitter
Hash tag: #TrueCare

Tweet Chats are a great way to talk about important issues with people who share similar interests or concerns around an issue in a forum to have live, real-time discussion on the issue.

Our goal is to connect people who are passionate about keeping kids safe online. In our tweet chats, we connect parents, technologists, law enforcement officials, nonprofit groups, education professionals, the medical community and many more around kids and internet safety.

Topics include cyber bullying, defamed reputations, internet predators, monitoring kids online, and new topics that emerge in this fast-paced world of kids, technology and social networking.

MARCH 5
The Case for Monitoring Your Kids Online

APRIL 2
Discussing Cyber Safety with Your Kids

MAY 7
Your Child’s Digital Footprint

JUNE 4
Old Parenting Toolkits Don’t Cover New Technologies

We make these chats available to help you. So if there is a topic you’d like to see us cover. Just lets us know!

For more information and the most current list of upcoming chats visit us at:

www.truecare.com/tweetchats

1. Delete all inappropriate pictures and remove tags.
Delete any photos where you (or your friends) are doing anything illegal, excessive, or questionable. Remove tagged photos. When in doubt, delete.

2. Delete all inappropriate posts.
Delete any posts where you (or your friends):

• Use foul language
• Voice radical religious or political opinions
• Post sexual innuendos or any sexual content
• Discuss last night’s party or big event that may reflect on your personality

3. Defriend any contacts who might make you look bad.
If you have contacts who post questionable content or have a desire to make you look bad (even if in jest), remove them. If you think they can be trusted, give them one warning, then delete. They are not worth your future.

4. Use proper spelling and grammar.
There is no excuse for improper spelling or grammar. Anywhere. Ever.

5. Use a great profile photo.
Use a great head shot as your profile picture. Depending on the type of job you seek, you may want it to correlate your photo to that theme such as business-y, arts-y, funny, etc. Everything on the profile is a reflection of you, so make sure it represents what you want it to reflect.

6. Make sure the profile is complete.
Did you create a profile but never check it, didn’t include relevant information, use it to just chat with others or post pictures. For any profile attached to your name, you will want to make sure it’s stellar. So, if you don’t use it, delete it. If the profile is incomplete, complete it or delete it. Anything attached to your name online is creating a digital footprint of YOU. Be in control of YOU and how YOU are represented.

7. Settle down.
Now that you have taken time to clean up your profile, settle down and keep up with your positive social media footprint. You want to show future employers you are thinking of your future.

8. Show employers you know the difference in sites.
Once all profiles are cleaned up, use each for how it was originally intended. Use Facebook for socializing, LinkedIn for connecting, Instagram for sharing {tasteful} photos, etc. If you can help it, do not mix your social and professional groups, contacts, etc. For instance, if you want to join a certain professional group, join from your LinkedIn account as opposed to your Facebook account. Professional and personal should be kept separate in the cyber world.

9. Use social media for its original intent to prove you are a great candidate.
Post, like, tweet, engage and share. Show future employers that you are very engaged in the industry in which you are seeking, no matter what social network you are using. But use your discretion, and don’t go overboard. This is a great way for them to learn a lot about you, but remember to have a strategy in mind.

10. Make accounts visible.
Once all the hard work is done, don’t set it the profiles to completely private. Show future employers how you are very responsible online and that you have a great social media footprint.

Resources:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/theyec/2012/08/27/5-essential-tips-to-make-your-social-profiles-resume-ready/

http://www.myblueprint.ca/how-to-get-your-social-media-presence-job-search-ready/

NOTE: An employer or future employer does not have the right to your user name or password, so never give it to them. Tell them they are welcome to check out your social media profiles online.

Thus, we would like to warn you about SNAPCHAT and Facebook’s “Poke” app!

Parents of teens have more to worry about than the just the internet. Smartphone games and apps can also create problems for plugged in teens. Teens can use apps to connect and communicate with strangers or inappropriately with people they know. Apps like Snapchat and Facebook’s Poke allow teens to send pictures that delete after they’ve been viewed, giving some teens a false sense of security that may encourage them to send inappropriate pictures.

With Snapchat, users can control how long the picture can be seen, ranging from 1-10 seconds. Once the time has expired, the picture disappears. While the app can be used to share harmless pictures between friends, others are using the app to share inappropriate pictures or videos of themselves. Teens may see Snapchat as an easier, if not a safer way to sext. However there are still ways the pictures can be saved and circulated. The recipient may take a screenshot of the image, allowing them to save the picture. Snapchat shows you when a screen shot has been taken, but there’s no way for the user to delete the image. At this point the private picture is no longer private and the user can’t do anything about it.

The app itself can also cause problems. Some users have reported malfunctions that cause pictures to appear twice, giving the recipient another chance to view or screenshot the picture. It can be almost impossible to permanently delete something from the internet, no one wants to spend the rest of their life worried about an inappropriate picture somewhere on the internet.

Talk with your kids about the dangers of sexting, and apps like Snapchat. There is truly no way to guarantee inappropriate pictures will be permanently deleted without negative consequences. Apps aren’t foolproof and teens shouldn’t feel comfortable sending indecent pictures of themselves because they believe the pictures can’t get out. Compromising yourself by sending inappropriate pictures can have lasting consequences.

There will be other apps like Snapchat and Poke that teens will use to send inappropriate pictures. Regularly ask your teen what apps they like, or what they and their friends use to communicate. Ask them to show you how the apps work, and discuss privacy settings, if there are any. Remind them to never connect with someone they don’t personally know. Constantly talk about the negative consequences of sexting, there are far too many tragic stories about teens committing suicide over pictures being leaked. They don’t want to spend the rest of their lives regretting a picture they sent in their teens. Remind them, if they wouldn’t want the entire world to see the picture, don’t send it.

This blog post was written by Rachel Musnicki, an intern for TrueCare. Rachel Musnicki is from Bartlett, IL, and is a Broadcast Journalism major at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She is a member of the Chi Omega Fraternity, as well as the Society of Professional Journalists. She has made it her passion to educate parents and young adults about online safety and writes for TrueCare.com, in collaboration with Macon Raine. She will graduate in May 2013.

As I near the end of my college years, I feel like I’ve finally started to get the hang of social media. I don’t accept friend or follower requests from people I don’t personally know, I don’t post inappropriate pictures of myself and I make the most of privacy controls (My grandmother does not need to see what ridiculous YouTube video is my favorite this week). However, I wasn’t always that smart or cautious. If I could go back, there are several things I would do differently and things I would want my middle school-self to understand.

Be open with your parents about social media
I’m not proud to say that I made my Facebook account without my parent’s permission. When my mom inevitably found out (moms always do), she was upset and I was in the dog house. I assumed my parents wouldn’t understand Facebook, and I either didn’t feel like trying to explain it, or didn’t think they’d care. If I had been open with them from the beginning, and taken the time to introduce them to Facebook, I think they would have been a lot more accepting of my account.

Don’t use social media to complain
Complaining about having to make your bed or clean up after your friends makes you sound incredibly entitled, and does not make you look good. Social media is all about maintaining an online reputation, and I wish I would have remembered to always put my best foot forward. I would never have complained to hundreds of people, including family friends, in person and I should have considered that before posting selfish things or complaints.

Be more cautious about what you post
Again, I wish I had considered what I wanted my “online reputation” to be. I’m sure at one time I had my cell phone or email address public online, which could have led some creepy people to me.

I used to post statuses or away messages that said exactly what I was doing, when, and where. I was an open invitation to a stalker or predator.

I wish I would have remembered that vacation pictures should never be posted, and that I should never use profanity.

I’m sure some of the things I posted didn’t reflect my personal beliefs or standards, and I wish I would have realized that your social media accounts can affect how others view you. My Facebook page should have always been appropriate for my parents to look at. I’d also have refrained from posting any pictures of myself until I got out of my awkward middle school phase (though I’m not entirely sure that’s happened yet.)

Don’t talk to people you don’t know
I was fortunate enough to realize that I shouldn’t accept friend requests from people I didn’t personally know on Facebook. However, I wasn’t always this careful when I used to chat online with websites like AOL Instant messenger. I avoided chat rooms, but that doesn’t mean I was entirely protected from predators. Someone asking for my name, age and location, was probably someone to be avoided. I wish I would have avoided all stranger requests, narrowing my chances of harming myself.

Realize that things on the internet don’t stay private
Adolescent girls can be catty and incredibly mean. Things said on the internet “in private” can be printed out and passed around for countless people to see. I would have been more careful with my words. Gossip online is just as hurtful, if not more so, and I wish I would have respected the privacy of others, and refused to look at someone else’s private messages.

I was lucky enough to escape my adolescent years relatively unscathed, despite my poor use of social media. I realize not everyone my age has been as lucky. I wish I would have really considered the negative consequences of social media. Like many users in my generation, I never realized how widespread social media would become, and how a careless post in middle school could affect my job search after college, or my reputation among family and friends. I know I haven’t been an entirely responsible user, and I’m sure I’ll still post things that I’ll someday regret. Regardless of the mistakes I made, I’m still incredibly proud that I never had a MySpace account. (Really, it’s the little victories when it comes to social media.)

This blog post was written by Rachel Musnicki, an intern for TrueCare. Rachel Musnicki is from Bartlett, IL, and is a Broadcast Journalism major at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She is a member of the Chi Omega Fraternity, as well as the Society of Professional Journalists. She has made it her passion to educate parents and young adults about online safety and writes for TrueCare.com, in collaboration with Macon Raine. She will graduate in May 2013.