Your thirteen year old approaches you, asking to get a Facebook page. You hesitate. With all of the news about cyberbullying, online predators, and other dangers for children on social media sites, you have reason to be concerned and your first reaction may be to say “No”. And for many parents and their teens, “No” may be the right answer.
However, if you decide that your teen is ready to begin using Social Network sites, we suggest you take some time to speak to them about the dangers and set specific rules on how you expect them to behave.
At TrueCare, we’re working on an agreement that helps parents and children articulate a set of guiding principles and rules that govern what kids can and cannot do online, with email and with social media. You can view the agreement here, www.truecare.com/aup.
While we think we have a good starting point for parents to engage their teens in a conversation about safety and social networks, we would like your input to help us improve the agreement.
Our goal is to create a tool that helps parents to set clear expectations for how they want their children to behave online.
We are just getting started with this agreement and would like your feedback. What do you think needs to be included or excluded? Would you ask your child to sign the agreement? Would you sign it? Do you think your child will agree to these terms?
Take a look, www.truecare.com/aup. Let us know what you like and don’t like. We welcome all comments.
My kids are just at that age. What to say – yes or no! And if we say yes, what are the guidelines? I think the contract is great! It’s a perfect starting point to address issues and concerns that we would normally avoid, forget or even glaze over so we don’t have to discuss. It’s a great document to keep the kids in check as well as the parents. Getting to know the on-line friends – that’s huge. It’s also a great tool for the kids to have in the event something comes up, it’s been discussed so they know how to handle the situation.
Great idea and great format!
Great feedback emailed from a Teacher/Blogger:
“I like this….as a teacher I have witnessed cyber bullying first hand! It was not something that I took lightly and the students involved were consequenced having to write a paper, researching the topic and then sharing what they learned with the class. It was an effective consequence thank God. It also made the students realize the importance of appologizing to the student affected.
I like the parent/student involvement. I don’t remember an area where it’s suggested that parents openly talk to their child about what cyber bullying is. It is assumed that parents will discuss it with their child via the contract, unfortunately, many don’t or the kids don’t know exactly what it (cyberbullying) is.
I also saw reference in there to sexting (with downloading the pornographic images). This is also a really new thing with kids/teens. Maybe that should be touched on just a bit more in detail. Another option would be to do a totally separate contract for sexting. It is just as bad as cyber bullying and holds some very dangerous consequence legally and personally for the individuals involved. The teens don’t see it as something bad, scary! They view it as a way to be someone they aren’t in person, even more scary!
Hope my thoughts helped.
At the very least, it makes parents aware of how important it is for them to get involved in their childs Cyberlife!”
I think it is a great way to help parents start the dialog with their kids. Going through this and talking about it gives the chance for kids to see just how important issues are and the ramifications of their actions. We think as parents they know, but they really don’t fully understand the dangers of social media.
One mom sent in an email with the following insight:
Once thing I would add under parent and child section is that when teens begin to apply for jobs and/or to colleges, sometimes employers and/or college committees may seek out their social media pages and that would be something important to consider as well.
Wonderful feedback from TrueCare Advisor Mary Jo Rapini:
“I went over the contract, and like it. I do though, think that we should begin by saying both my child and I understand the computer is a privilege and therefore violations of the use of the computer will have consequence limiting computer use.
Next, I think it should be agreed upon there will be a limit in hours…such as after 10 or 11 the computer will be off (or whatever other social network is being used).
Thirdly, I think it should be stated in the beginning that the child will be able to talk to the parent in regards to any threat, or concern they have or receive via the computer or phone.
Hope this helps. Mjo”
Email from a mom:
I love the contract….I think it is great! I am going through this with Cate now and am constantly having to monitor her. There are a couple suggestions I would like to offer…use at your discretion.
Under Children Section I would like to see something similar to:
I will disclose all online accounts to my parents or other responsible adult, including email accounts, social media accounts, and instant messaging accounts.
(Along with #3) Anything I post online about another person will be something that I am willing to say to their face in front of all my peers, family members and teachers. I will not post negative or hurtful comments about anyone, including myself.
This such a difficult topic for most parents. I always tell my kids to think about the person they will be in 10 years. Would that person look back on the decision they are about to make and be proud or embarrassed by it? It is so hard for children to think long-term, but my hope is if they can train their brains to think about the consequences of their actions then they will be more successful with their choices….not perfect, just more successful.
I think this contract is a great idea! I would definitely have my teenage children read and sign the agreement. I also think it is a great idea for parents, too, as many do not know exactly what Facebook, Twitter, etc. are but are allowing their children access. I have 4th grade students who say they have a Facebook page! I think part of the agreement for parents should state that they will not allow their child to access these social media networks until the suggested age.
Saying “I will try” on a contract opens it up for contention in a family (for example…couples who write a contract and say “I will try to do the dishes” that can mean he or she tried once. I think you would be better off saying “I will be engaged with you as you meet new friends on the social media networks.” A parent’s role is to be not in their space, but right outside it always engaged via communication with their teen. Hope this helps.
You people really need a website to tell you how to raise your kids? What the f*** is wrong with you?? Maybe, instead of going on this joke of a website for advice from strangers on how to raise your child, you could, oh, I dunno, raise your damn child! Anyone who thinks this is actually a good idea is a sheep in a herd. Be a parent, not a friend.